Harakiri Cobra Shoehorn

Rude dinner guests? Give them the boot! But before you do, offer to help them put on their shoes. This haraKIRI cobra shoehorn is designed to get people quickly out of your house. Or kill them. Because, if angled wrong, this silent ankle biter will have your company dead on the front porch. “Honey, we need the shovels again.”

I don’t care what you might have seen in movies, always dig graves in the backyard; not the front, and gardening past midnight will likely wake up the whole bloody condo. The next thing you know, you’re being chewed out at the monthly tenants meeting. And it has nothing to do with peeing in the elevators. Hey, it’s not like I’m taking number 2’s in there. The laundry room has much better reading material.